Saturday, September 19, 2020

Shero: A New Definition

Today I wake up with doubt about a woman I held great respect for. As I have lived and grown it has come before when someone I believed in, was not who I thought that they were. A consequence of a narcissistic society that allows false and harmful information to be propagated with no course correction. All of us left in doubt as to who can be trusted. Who can we know for sure holds our best interest? Was justice Ginsburg a woman of moral integrity or a secret enabler of corruption? Was justice Ginsburg the shero I believed her to be or only another pawn used by patriarchy to encourage woman to play by men's rules? Were her efforts heroic or will we look back in 40 years and be resentful of such woman that pushed us to be like men? Forced us by way of example to fit into men’s systems, laws and rules that never included us to begin with? I am assured she lies somewhere in the middle. A human can not be summarized by only one story. There are many sides to a person’s life and I wonder what the other side of the story is for justice Ginsburg given the timing and nature of her passing right before the election. 

Her life today is to be celebrated. What a feat for anyone. If you ever watched the movie “on the basis of sex,” you know what an inspiring story of not only a Harvard lawyer graduate but of a mother who did it with a toddler and the beautiful love she shared with her husband. The sacrifices she made cannot and should not be ignored. 

However, I sit in question of the responses from women and feminist pages today in remorse. Seeing the dialogue. The comments. The conspiracies that range in variety and an almost blind eye to what they are communicating. Is it possible that this was a cover up or a staged event just in time for an election or indeed a natural cause of death? She died on a significant holiday for Jews called Rosh Hashanah. I have been questioning the zionist jews that exist in our government and created textbooks for our schools. And here is another jew that I had not even looked at, because she was a woman I respected and admired. Did you she work with a hidden agenda that we are not aware of? Was she only one of ‘them’ after all?

I don't require answers to these questions now as I know they will reveal themselves in time, but this is my take away today from these events. Her way is not my way. What she did, I do not need to do. Do I admire what she did? Sure, of course. Women did what they needed to do to survive in a man's world. Played his game, got their level of education, climbed their ladders, learned their rules, made a few new ones and left women of the world with what exactly? Is her model, her way of living, her accomplishments what all little girls should strive for? If you ask many feminists, they will insist that we must get our needs met.

Is that true? Haven't women been fighting tooth and nail for many years for basic human rights of bodily autonomy only to have that now challenged again by the trump, republican administration? Do they have even the right to make a law about a woman’s body and if so don’t women break their laws anyways to get their needs met? Does this force them into an unsafe situation, of course. But what do men really know about this and why did women give them permission to tell us if it was ok or not in the first place? We give them permission by fighting against it, agree to it, validate it by participating in just the attempt to ‘resolve’ these unjust laws.

My point is this:


This photo was shared on a feminist page reminding 17,000 women what little girls should aspire to be. To be a feminist, a woman should aspire to a man’s rank in his institutions? Is this worth our daughters efforts, time, and energy? To fit into a man's box, his definitions and guidelines? To do things the way he designed and continue to exist and fight within patriarchy for handouts? Crumbs? Favors? Like the millions of ancestresses that came before us have for the last 7000 years attempting to reclaim equity? Think they tried hard? Worked hard? And how far are we really from where the women’s movement began?

To be better than men so we can outdo them and win at all costs? Why do women play this game?

Sacrificing our time with our children and our beloved, less love making, to make men’s laws more just is our purpose? Did she serve women and girls or give us a false target to aim for? Because the truth is, after all those years of 'service' women are not much better off, still no era or even close to being paid equally, and are not in charge to make the needed changes our world needs.

After joining many women's group, feminist organizations and aligning with female political agendas I felt defeated. Only more of the same and the quick attempt to put women who disagree with their ideas back into their place, not let them take up space as they claim. I found more masculine operating principles and new ways we can 'fit in' to the current system, as it is. How many times I heard, "because this is the way it is," "This is how we do things," "This is a woman's way forward," I couldn’t hide my cringe any longer. Is it? I beg to disagree.

I beg to argue that women like justice Ginsburg, did a great disservice to women and girls, despite my love for her, because she did not show us anything new or create anything new for women. She learned to fit in well. She did it their way and was not even hired after graduation. Instead of starting her own practice with her coveted Harvard degree, find other woman to work with in the same position, pioneer her own practice to fight injustices against women, she worked for the man, waited patiently for him to offer her an opening into their world. She could have used that intellect and wisdom, tenacity, hard work, for herself, for her daughter and the girls of the world. But instead she made deals with the devil, fought her whole life in a white males world....for what? To be remembered a shero by patriarchy for her service to it? What is her true legacy I wonder today.

I know her presence empowered women to get out of complacency and care about important societal issues, to feel empowered to boldly move into government, policy and law making and for some that was needed. I've considered law school since I was 12. But the truth is I loved being a mother which came first. I loved the time in between things, the rest, the self-love that one finds in peace. I could never put that second best to trying to get just right and maybe come away with a few small victories. I trust women could make a bigger difference being woman than trying to outdo men or meet them on their level. Maybe this is why there is such a push for it from even the most admired feminists. To take us out of our element, our true nature, to be on a ‘level’ playing field with men. Maybe this push is why women haven’t achieved more for ourselves, our children and Gaia. Maybe this push is more patriarchy in a pretty dress and makeup. And maybe it is in our best interest to at least question these motives instead of doing the way it has always been done.

I trust that if women created their own rules and found a sisterhood to support them, we would all be better off. The rules and laws of men, the patriarchal system we inherited is not our responsibility to uphold or fix. Men got it very wrong, some of it on purpose to hold us down, to destroy the environment. Why would we participate in it that all? Why wouldn't we take back our power from trying to get it right for them and claim our own sanctuaries to exist within? What would it be like if little girls looked up to wild women that blazed their own trails, that never could be tamed by the same principles that tamed justice Ginsburg but women in their female, wise woman power? A woman that does it her own way and shows new possibilities that does not include selling ourselves out by way of giving our power to old structures.

This is more than possible, it is happening right underneath the surface of these old dreams. A bubbling up of a new beginning where women and children are centered and peace is protected by women’s designs, plans, and way of living. That is the needed balance. That is the way forward.

Thank you justice Ginsburg for allowing your life to serve as a catalyst for this understanding within me. I honor your life and your presence in mine.


Thursday, August 20, 2020

Presence is the Present


It seems so simple. Too simple maybe for an ego or mind to wrap itself around. When we talk about being freedom, joy or bliss too many attach that feeling to some form of external validation. It was never about living a 'dream life.' Nor getting money, cars, status symbols, or to be an idol for others. It is not even about finding the 'perfect' partner or being a part of a successful community. No these are not the presents life puts on offer for us to get, to make happen or achieve with effort, although one can relinquish their presence, their authenticity, for all those things with ease. You see, they are all a part of a dream and every dream you end up waking up from. What is it that you wake up to? Enlightenment, presence, the only gift needed.

Enlightenment is not hooked up to the dream or attainment. The most devastating blow to my ego. Watching others get stuff while mine was learning it’s lessons made me want to jump back in over and over. I chose instead to trust source, to stay on the side lines, not play their game, not engage their way, stayed vigilant, observant, sometimes patient, and allowed life to continue unfolding, all the way open, no matter how painful.

Egos attain all the dreamy stuff, not souls. A soul, pure presence, when embodied and present, is the only present ever really given to us, the only one we need. Capitalism forces you to sell it out in favor of meeting beauty standards and living up to unreasonable expectations. Money becoming not a tool but a means for security, class and status.

Connecting to another embodied soul, to nature, to a child, to a lover, to an animal are the greatest gifts I have been given. What this life thing is all about. Not the Benz or the houses or the trips, but those moments around a campfire, howling at the moon with beautiful women, creatures of the earth, who reverberate the cosmos with their wombs, and knowing I belong. Not to them, or the moment, but to myself, to the woman who brought Herself to that moment, to find those souls, and to make magical memories that will last forever. 

A sense of belonging it seems is the real magic. That moment you feel at home in your body, at home in yourself. That moment you realize what you feel, can never be taken away from you because it is what you are. Knowing you belong to a partner, to your family, a mother’s unconditional love for her child, those dynamics are beautiful to experience from that sense. To share love, our presence with one another, is the gold.

Focusing on things, goals, money, or dream relationships that don’t ever get messy and only look perfect on the outside, lack depth, and leave us with unmet needs always. It is an empty reality, phony, and then you have to continue faking happiness once it passes to uphold what others think about you and your lifestyle.

That unconditional knowing that you are supported and cared for is wonderful and can be fleeting because life is change, death, and includes endings. So new things can begin. Not all things are forever nor should be. But what remains, what is constant, what will go forward with you is you. We always have ourselves. Wholeness. Soul. Oneness that is not divided or seeking other or outer.

This sense of belonging was highjacked by capitalism, religion and new age profits called master coaches. They use trigger words like community, family, tribe, sisterhood, belonging, home to create a need in people to respond to their programs of how to find that which is supposedly missing. However, I learned quickly that Goddess walks out the room when I start talking money. When things or topics meant to create insecurities get in the way of authentic connecting, the flow stops. And through feeling my way through the trials and tribulations She put forth for me to endure, I kept coming back to myself, to presence. What is always here even when no one or nothing else is. What flows when I am not thinking, doing, acquiring or 'taking up space.' The nothingness that breathes. The void of existence. The death of a whole concocted dream based on a narrative in between my ears influenced by corporate interests and ‘necessities’ to survive a nightmare, created by a few, to benefit a few, to control the rest of us.

As the world and its old ways, systems and structures continue to crumble around us, now is the time to be present, to be the present, the presence this world so needs. To just be, breathe and believe a new dawn is upon us.

This time in between is uncomfortable but only for the ego, the anxiety, the energy that needs to know, to be in control, to tell the narrative that soothes and keeps the known nightmare rolling. Underneath that is silence, rhythm, a beating heart, a gaze that could dissolve all the worlds with its unlimited potential to open and contract with a blink of the eye. Developing this power, relating from gnosis of not only self but of others, with others, is the way we move forward. 

Making plans for cars when spaceships are already flying around the atmosphere is antiquated thinking and problem solving. Developing new models of old structures, focusing on what communities developed 50 years ago isn't for us because those things will soon cease to exist. They were developed without presence and attention to care for people and the earth and they require non-renewable resources. New technologies that have been suppressed from society exist, like those that built the pyramids, zero-point energy, formulas based on the golden number and will be used in accordance with a permaculture mindset to build what serves humankind now. 

If you are present with the moments we have been given, this gift of time, of space, of letting go of everything tied to an egoic structured way of living, you are doing good work on planet Earth. Be proud. Sitting around doing nothing and worrying is helping no one. Still running around working, saving people and trying to 'get?' That is your ego. Are you working in the name of being essential? You are acting like a slave. You do not have to hold it up for anybody. You can stop now. That was what we did under torment from industrial interests and corporate enacted slave systems. That is not who we are. 

We do not have to participate in any game. There will always be a loser if you are playing a game. No human deserves to lose. The game was played in such a way to intentionally be dualistic, them against us, right and wrong, black and white, republican and democrat, productive and lazy, the haves and have nots, to benefit those who collect checks from these tales. We do not need anymore rich folks or celebrities to drive ideas and products that feed this divide. Kids do not need to be taught on-line by computers or by themselves with a privately hired teacher by their rich parents. This will no doubt increase this divide. It is time to fall back and let that shit die.

Playing, enjoying life and centering Love in our daily lives is what we are bringing to life. Being present with our experiences, acting on truth and not being swayed by what our neighbors are doing, the media hype or how much money you will make from each activity. Not worrying about what is wrong with the world or what went wrong in the past but envisioning and feeling the future. What does it feel like? What does it look like? What are we leaving in its place?

Clinging to outdated programming, telling stories of woe and victimization, fixing what can't be fixed, working to save someone else instead of looking at yourself, narcissistic vampiric relating and exploiting human energy isn't going to work for you anymore anyways, so let's not continue down that path.

Recognizing the power within to create with source a new world is what is happening. A great awakening. Remembering we are not slaves, not drones for a new world order, and take a stand instead for a meaningful life, a life well lived, is indeed what we are about.

Open your present, look what lies within, feel it, breathe into it, and then breathe in harmony with others and not in defense of them. Presence is magnetic and hopeful Love. It is the present we all deserve to receive. It feels so much better. Yummy. Delicious. Be and you will see you are more than enough. We are all so worthy of this new world and the experience of true relating, connecting, and sharing. Blessed be!