Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Sun in Sagittarius

I was born in the house of Sagittarius. Today, I am celebrating my birthday. I always have felt awkward about my birthday. Seemingly needing it to be special somehow and yet never really making a big deal about it. In the last few years though, my birthday has become my "New Years." The day I reflect back on my previous year and set new intentions to fulfill in the next one. A day to take inventory of where I have been and where I am going. I get to remind myself of my accomplishments, celebrate them, myself and also the new commitments that I make for the coming year.

Centaurs are creatures of philosophy, learning and discovery and this last year it was all about discovering what I really love and who I get to be. It was the first time I stepped into my role as a leader and facilitator of the work I love. I failed, I stumbled, I was embarrassed, and I was victorious, but ultimately I learned more about what I want, why I want it and truly embodied this wisdom. I spent a lot of time with it. I took time out form 'normal life' and held it, played with it, cried with it, and deeply fell in love with it. I connected to my inner child, listened to her, and invited her in to help me see what was possible for our life through her eyes. I'm so proud of Her!

I have know I was a sovereign being for some time but haven't really acted like it. But this was the year I got to take my first steps as Her. I got to witness my bullshit and my gifts. I got to see how strong and powerful I am and how much that has scared me. I got to face off with my fears about what it means to use my voice. I spoke up and stood up for myself. I got to know what it feels like to be heard and see how I still have work to do when I'm not.

I have been able to live out truths that were only ideas before. See how resilient I am in the face of heartbreak. Cycles of long past came ripping through, triggering me in ways I couldn't have imagined and brought me exactly what I needed to see through to my deepest wound. To acknowledge my fears of abandonment, betrayal, and how I had manifested those type of situations to show me this pain body. And when I got to hold Her for the first time, and cry with her, and thank Her for helping me to heal, I knew soon after that I was free. Like really free. So free that I spent a month in bed, depressed, sad and confused by the newfound empty space.

I trusted I would be filled back up with love, with what I had been desiring. I waited patiently. Took my time integrating. I sobbed every day, deeply grieving the loss of something I had had held onto for too long. It only took a few weeks but suddenly the clouds parted, the sun began to shine in a new way. I had been dismembered and put back together. I don't recognize the woman I was at the beginning of the year. She is a distant memory of someone I use to know but could barely relate to.

The Scorpio season we went through this year was rebirth. The phoenix rose. The wings were felt, flapped against the wind, exhilarated by their potential, and from pure exuberance for life, they continued flapping and it wasn't until I looked down that I saw before me that I had indeed taken flight. Like I had done so many times before in my dreams. Suddenly the life I imagined, the joy I knew existed, the love I vibrated as was all that was. Bliss cascading through my veins and out through every pore, for no fucking reason. A sincere devotion to my life appeared. A deep desire to show up more for myself and others. To become more visible. No more hiding.

This sense that I had somehow broken through or set something down, or left something behind has been overwhelming. A faint memory, a palpable experience that remains in my fascia of an identity that I can't seem to fully recall. It seems we have done great work. We are watching patriarchy, it's systems and leaders falling. We are watching new young leaders emerge who have a different set of  ideals than their parents. We are witnessing and experiencing a true revolution right before us. I know this is true for us collectively because it has been true for me personally and I know all change comes from within.

To grow and expand is the mission of a Sagittarius so I write with great gratitude in my heart for the efforts I made, the growth that transpired and the healing that has occurred. And quite frankly, thank Goddess we made it!  That we somehow forged ahead. That was rough! I've never been more grateful to leave a season behind.

I write with a new sense of whats possible for me in my own personal new year. I write knowing what a real life bad-ass I am and fuck up I can be. However, I do write from a space that allows me to be more vulnerable and forthcoming moving forward.

Because it is safe now.

The climate more tolerable for a formidable force to arise in woman form. In sharing the stories of my defeats, my heartbreak and my own heroines journey of self-discovery, I will remind at least one person of their 'why.' for showing up on planet earth now, remind someone of their truth and need to share it. To activate people to show up for humanity and the living being we live upon. This is why I will share what I have to say and tell my stories.

It is safe for me now to be seen.

I dedicate my new year to the Goddess, to Ma. May Her Queendom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in heaven. To true love, my lover and our divine union. To my expansion, my stories, my art and my voice as a channel for the feminine. To my soul family and physical family, strengthening all of my relations. I dedicate my being to Love, to Truth, to music and to justice. 2018...I'm coming for you!!

Blessings for taking this journey with me! I love you!

Friday, October 27, 2017

Fall is my favorite.

Fall is my favorite time of year. It has taken me many years to realize this for myself even though many exciting things happen in the fall, including my birthday. Fall means a certain level of responsibility. The endless summer is over, school begins, new schedules arrive and things begin to feel more heavy. However, the changing of the colors, the crisp colder air, hot apple cider, and a sense of loving myself more is also present. The more I have learned to relax into it’s subtleties, it’s precious time to slow down, restore, reboot, and go within, the more I have fallen in love with it.

Fall always invites me in with open arms, a warm cup of coffee, cuddles me in a down blanket, and allows me to read a book in pleasant serenity. A certain solace seems to come with fall, an unwinding, an undoing of self. The first cool breaths of autumn winds blowing through leaves brings a refreshing reprieve from the heat of summer. It also is a time of shedding, letting go and going deeper within to make space for new things to begin. 

Fall offers a time to enjoy the harvest of what we tended to during spring and summer. An opportunity is offered to renew our bodies and minds. A place to hang our hats for a while, put up our feet and listen to leaves fall as nature perfectly reflects our process. But always after Her moment of full glory in her brightest reds, oranges and yellows before She releases what is no longer serving Her and is made leaner, stronger, for the tests of winter, and the newness of spring. 

To fall back, to slow down is a gift. To fall back in love with yourself, what you love and what you give love to. I resisted this process for most of my life. I always felt like slowing down was becoming lazy, and colder weather meant an unwanted break from my dearest Father Sun’s illuminating rays. I even moved to a much hotter Las Vegas climate to avoid “having to endure it.” I was overjoyed by the sunshine on my birthday that year, in late November, for the first time ever. 

Feeling like I was sleeping more than normal led me to reading up on energy supplements, realizing only a few years ago that that too was my own way of saying, “I don’t want to slow down and go within.” I see that my unwillingness to honor theses natural cycles of being, that were being played out mostly anyways despite my attempts to prevent them, were really my attempts at avoiding myself. 

Mother Nature is our greatest teacher if we pay attention. She clearly shows us our own nature. She gives us all the clues we need about how to live our own lives if we are listening and live in harmony with Her. Her seasons and the moons orbit, give us our greatest clues about the internal and external cycles we too experience. As women, we are given more detailed clues each month about the existence of these cycles.  

We are beings that are connected to a whole ecosystem of life that is bigger than our individuality and has an intelligence far beyond ours. Despite a culture that tells us to keep working at the same pace all year, we are better served when we recognize our own synchronicity with the genius that is life, the biological rhythms, of larger cycles and harmonize accordingly. 

When we choose to acknowledge these patterns, honor them, and live in harmony with them, everything we experience changes. We are participating in the progression of these cycles, we might as well experience them consciously to maximize their potency. Witnessing and participating in life in this way, we become flexible to the ebbs and flows, and gather in strength for the coming times.

Warm sweaters and soup, the kids dressed in their Halloween costumes, pumpkin patches, crisp apples, the smell of thanksgiving dinner and all things fall are welcomed treasures. I love all of it’s beauty including the colder weather and grayer days even more now knowing the closer I get to it, the closer I get to me. 

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Travel as a Lifestyle

Beginning in spring, I found myself on a continuing journey that seemed to have no landing place. My attempts to stay in one place failed me and there was always an invite to some new opportunity, gathering or event to take me to the next place. I set an intention many months ago to travel as a lifestyle. I want to permanently be on vacation. I want to do what I want, when I want, with who I want, as much as I want without limits. To be a free range human being, to thoroughly enjoy this life I have been given, in my way.

To be able to trust myself enough to follow through on this dream despite nagging doubts, has been challenging. Coming up against old stories about the way it should be. At times, reverting to an old world style of believing, that I must be crazy or making some mistake to not be aligning with a more reasonable approach to living. It has been difficult to face the judgement of those that could not understand my path, that would shame me for being me. And yet somehow I am managing this new lifestyle. I am learning, growing, and being stretched into a more authentic expression of myself at every turn. Creating a new world that is in alignment with my values and essence.

Freeing myself and my family from an outdated structure that hasn't served us is the breath of fresh air that I have been desiring my whole life. To experience ease and enjoyment more often than not is for me, the pinnacle of living. I was raised with the work your ass off mentality if you want to be successful, however the harder I worked, the less I accomplished. For me, it has been about slowing down, doing less. Taking more time in between things, to rest, to contemplate, to process. It's been about finding my own time, rhythms and cycles and honoring them. Respecting them. Refusing to honor another's more than mine and standing for my truth.

Having a home base is a part of this journey for me as coming 'home' is the best feeling ever! A place to ground down and find center.  A time of renewal and replenishing my energy. A feeling of comfort, surrounded by my favorite things. In having a home base, I give myself a place to rest my head and hold my soul while it nestles into the slower times. So I have chosen a little abode for our family to settle into to again find stillness while continuing to dream of the foreign lands and mystical journeys that await me.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Full Circle

Life always brings us exactly what we need even when it feels like it has abandoned us. I remember it being so gray that year, dreary, and cold. It was 2009 and I was living in Portland Oregon. I was struggling for the first time in every way imaginable. I was in the dark night of soul as I only realized many years later but at the time I was assured it must of been hell. In the midst of the darkness, sparkling like the oasis of life that it proved to be, I found a beautiful bookstore set in an old home. It became my sanctuary, my solace away from a life I didn't want to live. It held events and workshops with spiritual authors and presenters. I would browse the offerings and think it would be so lovely to one day to be able share something there. My full circle moment came this weekend when I presented Unleashing Her: Invoking Shakti, a workshop designed to support the Divine Feminine rising at this sweet sanctuary called  The New Renaissance Bookstore.

It is truly tremendous what can conspire in a mere eight years. My heroines journey has had more page turners than I would have preferred but it has led to beautiful moments of remembering the purpose of them. In full victim mode that year, feeling like life was against me, not understanding "what I had done wrong" or "why this was happening to me," it was impossible for me from that perspective to see the silver lining.

I had very limited resources for the first time and found that I could sit in the bookstore unbothered for hours and read any book on any spiritual subject matter that I wanted and I did. Then they began offering a free movie on every visit so I could begin borrowing their DVDs of my teachers talks and each time I took one back I could get another...for free! It was a game changer for me to have those resources available, to have that space to explore new truths, and inspire me to keep the faith. I was able to finally see that I was in the middle of a spiritual awakening and my whole world was crumbling with reason, that life was indeed for me, and working on my behalf to raise me up. It gave me hope, it held me up, and allowed me room to grow.

For days before in preparing for the workshop I was to facilitate there, my heart ran over with gratitude that brought me to tears a few times. The immense love I have for my life, the struggles and the joys. I could not have enjoyed the experience as I did if I had not once before sat in that same place, desperate, and hungry for more. I could not have experienced the satisfaction of knowing how far I have come had I stopped at any moment before. Full circle moments like this allow us to feel the aliveness of being human. The ups and downs of the human experience intended to distill the finest spirit. To get to the purity of life. The heart of the matter. To reveal the sweetest being that lies within. Full circle moments are cause for celebration of the growth and learning that has occurred in ones life. A returning home as a changed person. Back to the beginning to begin anew.

So in writing this, I celebrate myself and my full circle moment. The changes I have endured and integrated. I celebrate the rise of Goddess on the planet. The fierce love and compassion for life, the nurturing capacity to evolve a human species into their fullest potential. I celebrate my humanness, my ability to make mistakes, fall on my face and find it in me to rise again. I celebrate the joy of living my dharma. Sharing with others on the path home, the tools that supported me on my journey, is so deeply gratifying. Trust your journey and have faith, your full circle moment could be right around the corner!


Thursday, June 1, 2017

Integrating the Human Experience

As the money rained down over me, laser lights shooting through in multiple colors, with scantily dressed beautiful women all around me dancing, and a song playing that everyone knew, I leaned my head back and thought if this isn't Lakshmi energy, I don't know what is. I was in the middle of Drai's nightclub in Las Vegas at a table with more millionaires than not, the last place I think anyone would think of as being in alignment with Goddess, and yet there she was right there in sin city, with me, in a sexy nightclub, in the middle of the night, teaching me, about true abundant living.

I've spent most of my adult life separating the different parts of myself. I am a Gemini rising and so as I mature, I experience myself as almost two totally different people. I have long been dubbed the "Urban Hippie," as I easily move between hip hop nightclubs and kirtan festivals. I've always considered them separate, compartmentalized as in being in contrast or conflict with one another. Although I guess I can say that I always knew they weren't, I definitely did not saw them as the same movement as clearly as I do as I write this. 

It's fascinated me how I could dance between such seemingly different ways of living with such ease given the nature of my spiritual path. I remember when I began bartending in Las Vegas many years ago, it felt like I wasn't following the path that spirit had intended for me. I kept asking source to use me to make me thy vessel, to allow me be the mouthpiece for the divine and yet I kept ending up in another bartending job without understanding until after a few experiences with guests that began to see that I was being used and in a much more profound way than I had previously understood.

I was incognito. I caught people off guard. They didn't expect some bartender in Las Vegas to drop wisdom on them, they were open and then they would leave implanted with seeds of awakening and go back to where they lived in another city, in another country, and I realized I was indeed being used. In a big way, as a hub, to spread the message of love, to wake up people and to celebrate with them when they were finally activated. I was just busy being in judgement of the position that I was in that I almost missed the beauty of the work that I was actually doing there beyond shaking cocktails. 

I saw then that we don't always get to know the how we just need to know the what and then allow whatever comes come without judgement. So before arriving this time in Las Vegas to work and play I set some intentions to attract more abundance. Invoked Lakshmi, the Goddess of Abundance and Good fortune. I asked to experience abundance in a new form. To breakthrough old resistance to receiving money and allow myself to become a magnet for it

So when I laid my head back and watched the storm of money coming down upon me and saw the beauty that was all around me, I saw Her. I saw my intention be manifested before my eyes. I felt the raw power of Her rain upon and in and through me, so that I too began to overflow. And all of this was because of Her grace. I realized my own oneness with all of the energy. I fully became this energy, no longer in duality, experiencing myself totally in love with the moment. 

In a nightclub, in nature, while having sex, while mopping the floor, while drinking a cocktail, while taking your kids to school, there it is, life happening. The Goddess flowing. The infinite nature of evolution requesting a chance to experience it all. And so I will continue channeling Her divinity wherever I am and have as many experiences as She brings me, and I will love them all, as they are, for what they are because they simply are. To decide what is good or spiritual and what is not isn't necessary. It's all good and it's all spirit!

Saturday, March 4, 2017

What if your wounds were serving your purpose?

Our sacred wounds are the entry points of discovery to our soul's purpose. They offer a powerful look into our inner most self, the soul, and the inherent truth that only it knows. Humans have spent so much time avoiding pain, numbing it with anything they can, and attaching to anything or anyone that brings comfort. We have collectively forgotten what it means to BE human, to actually feel, and to experience this thing called life, including what doesn't feel 'good.'  

The Akashic Records are the energetic records of our soul's existence. An abundant resource for our personal sou's journey and that of the collective. In acknowledging our sacred wounds, staying open to receiving healing, utilizing the Akashic records to discern the truth, and listening to our own soul's voice, we can begin to reveal our soul's purpose, and then begin to understand the purpose of the collective soul so it too can be healed. 

Pain is a fascinating part of the human experience. One that we are only just beginning to understand. Our wounds, the way the body stores negative energy when things are too painful, and their need to be witnessed in order to be transmuted are things we were not taught growing up. In modern times, we have been taught for the most part that, "we don't have time for that" when it comes to sorrow, grief, confusion, and sadness. Encouraged instead to get back to work quickly. 

We, as a collective, forgot how to grieve, how to process our deep emotions, and how to adequately integrate painful experiences into our lives. We have become less and less connected to the planet and earth based traditions that honored this part of life. In order to live according to an industrious society's demand, to meet the needs of others and work, we have had to put the difficulties we've experienced in our bodies, store them, keep ourselves from feeling them. Because allowing ourselves to feel it, could feel like the beginning of the end for us. Too much. But the truth is we are never given more than we can handle.

In freeing ourselves of stored emotions, of being ran by our wounds and the stories that serve them, we can rest in our natural state of peace. In accessing the parts within us that have not been resolved, we allow more of who we really are, our souls' perception of us, to be expressed. What is emptied out, must be filled back up by nature's law. So as one moves through their 'stuff' and opens up more space in the body, there is then room for more of one's real self. The pain is the only thing in the way from us experiencing wholeness, being in alignment with our soul, it's greatest intention for our life and enjoying it. 

The Akashic records contain all of life including our soul's purpose of being. They also contain our collective wisdom. In praying to Lords of the Akashic records, working with your helping spirits, the ascended masters, teachers and our loved ones, we can access this sacred wisdom and be enabled to share it with others. I call them downloads. Like a reading through an entire file cabinet of information, a 3000 page book, in 30 seconds. We can tap into a higher knowing, understand life, our soul's truest voice, and begin sharing that wisdom, channeling it and the wisdom of the collective, into the world. 

And this my loves, is the purpose of why we came to earth school. To know love. To get closer and closer to an understanding of one's self. What is love? In order, to know this we must know the opposite. The reason for duality, the purpose of this world. One can't truly know love until one knows pain. One can't truly understand forgiveness, compassion, empathy if one can not have it for oneself, in our bodies with all of our human imperfections.

We are limited by the five senses in our ability to experience all of ourselves, but we can get closer through this experience by inviting it all in. The 'good' and the 'bad', the rain and the sun, in the same way. No resistance. But instead by leaning in to experience what is, even allowing our sacred wounds to be opened, to be felt, and then to be willing to accept all consequences, to possibly become undone, to fall apart, to 'lose it', because in that, we are open to receive it. What is really for us! A new story that serves us and one that does not cause suffering.

We can try ignoring the trauma, denying the betrayal, deflecting the rejection, quieting the 'not good enough' story we hear. We can try self-helping our way out of it, 'fixing' ourselves because there is something 'wrong', trying to overcome our 'issues'. Or we can accept what is, look at the resistance, the story that is keeping us from having what we know deep down we deserve, feel whatever comes up, and explore it as an opportunity to learn, grow and embrace a new way that brings joy, happiness, peace of mind, and love. This is our birthright. This is why we are here. You are a soul having a human experience, it's time to remember that and act accordingly.

We are in the middle of healing 'big' collective pains. Slavery, genocide, discrimination, warfare, abuse of all kinds, trauma, incarceration, our own Mother who's been ignored and polluted and Her pain. We are in the midst of removing toxicity from the planet. This is occurring because people began removing it from themselves. Avatars, light workers, starseeds, earth and star tribe beings that have been changing their DNA by eliminating toxic situations, people, foods, chemicals, and stored emotions from their lives. They have been accessing higher consciousness, disciplined in daily practice to stay grounded and centered, working with healers, and working in the Akashic records to understand the soul and to anchor heaven on Earth. 

I send all my love, support, and positive uplifting energy to you as we do this big work! Your soul is magnificent and glorious, keep shining your light, extending your kindness, and offering forgiveness as it is needed, for ourselves and others. We are spiritual warriors shifting the energy of the collective and I am proud of the way we are showing up! So blessed are these times, so blessed are WE!


Friday, February 24, 2017

A day to be Vulnerable

This day has been full of opportunities to be more vulnerable. Quite unintentionally, schedule wise and yet so very intentional and profound. Surrendering to Shakti's flow, I have find myself in a most unknown and yet safely held place. Total freedom to explore more deeply into my own being as I step closer and closer into nothingness. Like giving birth, to myself. So today, I did a nude photo shoot outside on a hilltop, did my first live facebook video, and took a vocal tuning lesson all before driving my son to his 4:00 drum lesson.

Being vulnerable in person isn't really an issue for me. Most people would say I am an open book and probably overshare in some cases. However, allowing myself to be seen on video, heard on recording, or exposed in some other light, brought on great fear. It seemed after awhile to be an unwanted experience but I knew deep down it was my way. When attempting to use my voice to perform, or confront someone, a noticeable shaky voice, a dry mouth, raising heart rate, could always be noticed, especially when singing. To the point that I would tell my theater directors when I was little that it felt like I was being choked out by a scarf, and they had to mike the girl with the loudest mouth when I sang my solo because no one could hear me.

These vivid moments from my childhood stand out because even then I knew something was off and it was very confusing and it caused me to back away from the things I loved doing because I didn't think I was good enough. Fast forward to about 4 years ago when a shaman removed a snake from around my neck. She knew nothing of these childhood stories. I knew then that I had a powerful voice and that I had been stifled from using it.

In stepping into my own power, it means being vulnerable. Allowing myself to be seen, to be heard to be felt and being willing to take whatever comes from it. Taking this risk has been a long time coming. I had stored emotions in my body that blocked my authentic sound from emerging from me. It seemed I was always blocked somehow. I used this as an excuse that I wasn't any good and ought to leave it for better singers. But I love singing.

So I have kept pursuing it, in the shower, in the car or in my bedroom but never singing publicly or without inhibitions. It's been years since I took a lesson, only did so because I wanted to have a clearer speaking voice. Showing up in the teachers space, I could feel all the anxiety bubbling up in my solar plexus. I allowed the tears to fall immediately as I met with her and told her about my past experiences, my fears, the energetic blocks, the remaining vulnerable soul that would love to be able to use her voice for good.

She immediately clued into a con caving in my ribs near my heart that had received a lot of energetic rolfing in the past. She could feel there is still some pulling and recognized my block almost immediately. As soon as I paid attention to it, opening up my ribs to make more space for the sound. Energy began moving out of it with loud rumbles similar to being hungry every time I expanded my ribs in a new way. I could feel the stored energy escaping. Realizing where I had been holding back, holding it in, was empowering. I know through the next few weeks and I continue the classes, enjoy some sound healing and bodywork, I will free myself from the tyranny of theses old, probably ancient, energies of fear around using my voice.

In freeing my voice, I give permission to others to do the same. It's time to let go of all limiting beliefs, stories, ideas, and stored emotions in the body so we can open up to and make room for the things we love. Being vulnerable is where it's at. We only have one life. Why not take it on with everything you have and live a life with meaning and substance? One that offers a freedom from conditioned ways that no longer resonate. In being vulnerable, in facing our fears, in stepping out of comfort and into discomfort, we make way for something new, something we have never had before. Take a day to do a bunch of stuff that makes you uncomfortable, that you've never tried and see where it takes you, what you discover, and what you can create anew from this space.

Here's to being courageous and more vulnerable every day!


Thursday, February 9, 2017

Unleashing Her - Costa Rica Retreat - March 25 - April 1 2017


March 25-April 1st, 2017
Mobile Mystik Presents:
 Starla & Swig
At a private Jungle Estate

Join in the Rise of the Divine Feminine

Have you heard Her call?

Are you Longing for...
 Healing and Self-Acceptance?
A deeper connection with YOUR INNER DIVINITY?
A Space to nourish and honor your FEMININE ESSENCE?
New teachings and practices that support you and YOUR journey?

Are you ready to BE the change you wish to see in the world?If you FEEL ANY OF THESE LONGINGS...
I see you Divine Woman!
I hear you Divine Woman!
And I accept you Divine Woman!