Can't buy me love

The greatest lesson I learned in my spiritual life was overpaying for spiritual teachings. The authentic, embodied guru or teacher charges what they need to to cover their expenses both business and personal, not to become rich. Over paying and being ripped off by a "teacher," made me an incredibly skeptic from that moment forward, more discerning in who I invested my resources with, and might have actually saved my life.

I was at the time in 2007, in the desert on the spiritual path, literally, I was living in Las Vegas. I was desperate for the truth and a teacher who could share it with me. I had read "The Secret," believed in the law of attraction and had watched the authors speak on Oprah. 

I heard one was offering a free talk not too far from my house so I went. The whole time he spoke I could feel I was being sold. Coming from a sales career I recognized all marketing lingo, the motivators to buy and one liners to close the deal. And yet, because I was vulnerable and ready to take the next step towards enlightenment, I went to the back of the room and paid $1300 for a two day seminar. Food and housing were not included, only the privilege to be one of the few who got to work with him personally and have access to an online community of support to follow.

A few weeks before the retreat was to begin, it was rescheduled. It was then rescheduled 3 more times before it was indefinitely cancelled. I never got my money back. I was told I could go to a sweat lodge retreat instead as he was no longer offering the retreat I had been sold.

Two years later, he was convicted of negligent homicide for the deaths of two of his students in a sweat lodge in Arizona because he wouldn't let them leave the overly hot conditions. He wasn't a real shaman or guru, he was nothing more than a self serving, manipulative sales man who had taken the lives of those in search of something more. 

This was a very extreme case of "spiritual teachers" bamboozling students and it happened to me. When I went home to see my spiritual guide devastated, wondering who and if I could ever trust again, she pointed out the beautiful gift I had been given. That I could be grateful it happened early on the path before I became too involved with unscrupulous people and would also be more discerning about teachers in the future.

I prayed that I would be guided to an embodied teacher. Adyashanti showed up. After reading a few of his books and listening to his talks, I received a list of his upcoming retreats. He was charging $895 for a 5 day retreat with room and board. Underneath the prices for the retreats was a scholarship link. At the time I was unemployed and applied. Several months later I was granted a full scholarship. I paid only for my train ride to Northern California for a 5 day silent, all inclusive retreat with him. This lesson in authenticity was priceless.

Since then I have learned that most teachers in India do not charge their students at all to live in an Ashram with them, but live and support their teachings solely on donations from those who benefit and see the guru for who they are. To this day you can go to a 10 day Vippasana retreat at no cost, paid for or in part by previous students who valued their experience. This keeps the teachings authentic and free from commercialism. 

Overcharging for a group retreat, seminar, workshop etc is a reflection of a self-serving mindset that the teachers individual worth and reward is greater than the teachings and the students who seek them. It keeps the poor out. Asking for a scholarship, or a work exchange is seen as undercutting them and their value. If one looks more deeply into it, they find a selfish need to be successful, rich, seen,"their best self" over and above the teachings and/or their students.  

This event was embarrassing. No real guru will make you pay what you don't have to "get in" nor are they attached to wealth. If you hear someone speaking about being successful, rich and ask you to "get in before they hike up the price" take another look and see whats really behind those clever motivating words. There is no amount of money that can buy you love or awaken your truth; and stillness is free.

Namaste

Heaven or Hell

Each day that we wake up, in every moment, we are choosing. We are choosing what to do, where to go, but ultimately we are choosing how to be, how we show up in the world. We are either grateful for our breath, our body, our life, grateful for everything we already have. Or are we choosing to complain, argue, blame, and cause ourselves a living hell? Where is the fun in that? No child ever said I want to grow up and work at a job that I don't enjoy and ignore all of my dreams. Heaven is one choice away. Come thee to the kingdom of heaven, childlike. Don't "grow up" in this sense that you would be willing to sell out your souls dreams, your inner child's natural instincts, in favor of others. Be innocent again. Be reborn. Choose Heaven. Live each day full of wonder, exploration, discovery and joy. Be childlike as you soar and be more than you ever thought you could be.

Dirty Sacred Dancing

I am a dancer. I dance because it is fun. I dance to disappear into something bigger, a nothingness and everything at the same time. When I dance, a deep intimacy arises within. I am no longer afraid. My soul, my deepest most loving self is alive and pulsating with scintillating pleasure. Dirty, ecstatic and sacred dancing held in the same regard. Dance is a form of prayer for me. A form of communication with the deepest parts of myself, creator, others, and life. I dance to feel Her. To allow Her to be seen. Dancing is freedom for me.

When I dance I am a catalyst to change. Gritty, dirty, sultry dancing. Shaking off old patterns and shimming my way into a new way of being. My dancer is pure truth in form taking action. I dance to fly! To allow my soul freedom to be as it is. An uncontained expression of the divine and as I twist my hips or roll my chest I release myself into this great space. At the speed of light, a bullet train surges through me, the ultimate force, when I am surrendered to this that I am. Finding solace in my own unique originality and ability to take refuge in Her, as she takes Her course.

In the physical sense I move my body to and with music showing my appreciation for it's rhythmic and compelling nature. The beat is my master, my lover, my friend. I can count on it, despite it's need to control me. It's extended time way from a song leaves me begging for it to drop and reclaim myself. The melody and my body's longing to tell it's story leave me at times in a trance, lost without recollection of time. I love to dance lyrically and with strength, a sense of silly absurdness connected with an authentic core and essence of being. I find the physical affects to be tremendous. The breakdown of what was comfortable. A release from the exhaustion of holding tension and stress that was carried too long. A shattering of built up inertia. I love the burn in my lungs, the tears in my muscles, and the tug of nausea when I know I have danced too hard, too fast, too long. 

Mentally it can be an experience of deep contemplation. A processing and a sifting through the thoughts that no longer serve. A meditative experience that envelopes me in peace. I can easily release the past, ignore the anxiety of the future, and find myself home, in the here and now.  In the spiritual sense, dancing gives me space to be as I am, to unfold, giving form to my own divine self. When I lose my center completely, unable to find a point of reference and allow the great mystery to flow through in expression, I feel the most free and connected.  

Dance allows us to merge, integrate and unify our hearts. It crosses all borders, boundaries and lines of separation. Dancing creates flow, synchronicity and aligns us with the highest. Each of us dancers,  pieces, to the whole of the collaboration, a part of the choreography of life. It brings us together. As we have faith in the ultimate choreographer, creator, and partner, and dance with all of our heart, we demonstrate the holist of work, surrender.

Once we learn to dance alone we can begin to move in alignment with another being that promises to listen to the music that guides and will hold us in the essence of our truth. Our aloneness serving as a bond of silence that we will never hold against each other. That we may feel free to dance when we are moved to and be in faith in the space between dances. It creates a bond, an understanding that if I step on your toe it's simply apart of our dance and we'll keep dancing. We can begin to experience and feel this non-verbal communication of our souls moving in continuity to the melody the mystery has created for us, our very own song.

This is the dance I want to dance together whenever we are near so that even apart I will be with you and you with me, a place called home, what our souls long for. As we dance, step to step, from moment to moment, our movement permeates everything. I will feel the vibration of your breath as it touches your face and the penetration of your exhale as it enters my lungs. Dance with me when I grieve, and when I sleep, and when I have had an incredible day. In the rain while we play as if almost in liquid fluidity. In the silence, or the time between steps, you can easily find me. Our loving, sweet nature allowing us to experience each other as we do ourselves. As one. It is the dance of love, truth, bliss, and intimacy.

Will you dance with me? And be the guardian of my solitude?